I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
