omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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