I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am available for nakedness
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
