the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
