she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
