i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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