Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I pour the whiskey from now on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
