My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
