what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
