it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
