Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
