Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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