You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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