airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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