I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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