i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
