I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
