Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
