i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
