Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
