all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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