I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
