You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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