i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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