Do you still have your period?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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