I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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