After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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