I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
