If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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