I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
