Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
