He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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