Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have demons in me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
