I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
