this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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