The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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