why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
