If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
