you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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