like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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