just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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