guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
