it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
