i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
