Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
