By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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