Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
