saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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