GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
