She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
