I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
