Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
