i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
